pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
