After last night, I could never be a politician.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
