in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
