The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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