Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
