i don't like sucking hair
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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