So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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