Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize