Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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