You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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