I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
