bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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