Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
