okay pat passed out under dana's car
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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