TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
