just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
