The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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