And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
