Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
