Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
