Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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