if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
