We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
