i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
