Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
