I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
