And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I supernannyed him into submission
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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