He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
