I skipped work to stalk him.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
