Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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