final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
