glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
