half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
