You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
