Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
did i just pee glitter
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
