i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
