I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
