so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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