a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
