Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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