i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
