he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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