so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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