Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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