someone get that fucking seahorse.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
