if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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