By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
