OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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