Sry I called you an 8
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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