Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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