thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
