he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you had me at cake vodka
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
